


Eight Strapping Daughters

by Jaded_Girl_83



Series: Eight Strapping Daughters [1]
Category: The Man From U.N.C.L.E. (2015)
Genre: Gen, series orientation page
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-29
Updated: 2018-03-29
Packaged: 2019-04-13 23:31:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,516
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14123211
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jaded_Girl_83/pseuds/Jaded_Girl_83
Summary: SERIES ORIENTATION PAGE





	Eight Strapping Daughters

**Author's Note:**

> This is whole mess is basically a tongue-in-cheek au/headcanon that originated on Tumblr. In a nutshell, Gaby and Illya have eight daughters, any and all of whom are capable of taking over the world. Shenanigans ensue. Basically, my brain just wanted to play forever in this sandbox.
> 
> Original post courtesy of armoldhammer:  
> http://armoldhammer.tumblr.com/post/164255168147/me-yes-hello-this-is-my-debut-original-fiction
> 
> Further madness:  
> http://viterbofangirl.tumblr.com/post/170459507547/nostalgicexpatriate-mollokoplus  
> http://viterbofangirl.tumblr.com/post/170464423061/nostalgicexpatriate-gallyavanting
> 
> Names, birth order, and faceclaims of the Teller-Kuryakin clan courtesy of gallyavanting and used with her permission:  
> http://gallyavanting.tumblr.com/post/164424899407/keeping-up-with-the-geller-curryaktins-au
> 
> And to gallyavanting… THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT!!!
> 
>  
> 
> **PLEASE NOTE THAT THIS LIST IS SUBJECT TO CHANGES AND ADDITIONS! ******

**Marina Ilyinichna Teller-Kuryakin**

Faceclaim: Tatiana Maslany  
b. September 1967  
Attractiveness level: Charismatic Beauty  
Black belt or higher in at least seven different martial arts disciplines.  
Her favorite is Wing Chun.   
Second favorite? Capoeira.  
Future U.N.C.L.E. top agent.  For nine years running.  
1000 watt smile.  
Adores outdoor concerts.  
Motorcycle enthusiast.  
Loves traveling the world.  
Teller-Kuryakin who speaks the most languages.  
Learned to play the sitar from a C.I. in India... who she later recruited into U.N.C.L.E.  
Amazing singing voice.  Broadway-belter diva.  
Known to give rousing speeches while standing on tabletops. Occasionally calling for uprisings and throwing off the bonds of parental tyranny.  
Illya is Not Amused but also strangely proud?

 

**Alina Ilyinichna Teller-Kuryakin**

Faceclaim: Evan Rachel Wood  
b. November 1968  
Attractiveness level: Classic Beauty  
The "mom" sister.  
Closest to her sister Marina.  
Peerless diplomat and political maven.  
Future U.N.C.L.E. liaison to too many governments to name.  
Has prevented more wars than all her sisters combined.  
Plays chess for fun, but doesn't like to participate in tournaments or competitions.  
The quickest quick draw.  
Also where the HELL was she even HIDING that gun?!  
Tango proficiency: worthy of an NC-17 rating.  
Rescues animals.  
Plays the harp. Often performs during political soirees.  
Fantastic baker.  
Internationally ranked English-style horseback riding champion.  Loves show jumping in particular.  
Best getaway driver of all the girls.

 

**Sabrina Ilyinichna Teller-Kuryakin**

Faceclaim: Lily James  
b. January 1971  
Attractiveness level: Delicate Beauty  
Only Teller-Kuryakin child to take ballet.  
Made first soloist, like her mother, before deciding to focus on her music.  
There is no musical instrument invented that she cannot play.  
Particularly excels in cello, piano, viola, and harpsichord.  
Cannot cook to save her life.  
Never officially joins U.N.C.L.E., though she has provided cover for her sisters on occasion.  
Has also lent her excellent ear to U.N.C.L.E.'s linguistics department more than once.  
Basically an occasional civilian advisor with ridiculous security clearance?  
Only member of the Teller-Kuryakin household who can speak French flawlessly.  
Has turned down at least five royal marriage proposals.  
Biggest prankster in the Teller-Kuryakin household. At least until the twins came along.  
~~Drives like a bat out of hell.~~

 

**Irina Ilyinichna Teller-Kuryakin**

Faceclaim: Sophie Cookson  
b. April 1972  
Attractiveness level: Icy Beauty  
Strategic genius.  
Highest I.Q. of all the girls.  
Black belt in judo.  
Future CEO of U.N.C.L.E.  
Destroyed Illya in a chess match when she was 13.  
He was silent for the rest of the night.  
At 6 a.m. the next day, he signed her up for an international competition, bragging to everyone at the office.  
Attending chess competitions is their favorite father/daughter activity.  
~~He is secretly most proud of her of all his daughters but he will take this to the grave.~~  
Knows every sister's every secret. Has never revealed a single one of them.  
Most able to pass as a native Russian.  
Stunning operatic soprano voice. Knows every Wagner opera by heart.  
International biathlon champion.

 

**Galina Ilyinichna Teller-Kuryakin  
Polina Ilyinichna Teller-Kuryakin**

Galina Faceclaim: Daisy Ridley  
Polina Faceclaim: Cara Delevingne  
b. August 1974  
Attractiveness level: Cheerful Beauty (Galina), Quirky Beauty (Polina)  
Gaby was thrilled to find out she was carrying twins, proclaiming it "more efficient."  
Illya could not speak for three days and was often caught staring at Gaby in utter awe.  
Galina is a human ray of sunshine. It is impossible not to smile when she is talking to you.  
Polina has inherited every single molecule of her mother's mischievousness.  
Neither twin is capable of speaking if their arms are held still.  
Inveterate pranksters and mischief-makers.  
Would have been deemed "utter terrors" but for the fact that they don't have a mean-spirited bone between them and everyone can't help but love them.  
Never stop issuing dares to each other. Ever.  
Related to the above: current bug-eating record holders of the Teller-Kuryakin household, to Illya's horror.  
Galina has taught herself the kazoo, harmonica, tuba... basically any instrument whose sound makes her laugh.  
She is particularly skilled at the xylophone.  
Polina can't sing or play to save her life, but she is the most perfect mimic you will ever meet. Her impressions are indistinguishable from the originals.  
~~U.N.C.L.E. has used this talent many, many times.~~  
Galina eventually demonstrates an astonishing aptitude for technology.  Future head of U.N.C.L.E.'s R &D department.  
Polina is a shameless flirt and the most prolific and successful "honeytrap" agent in U.N.C.L.E. history.  
Never let either of them drive the getaway car.   
Either Of Them.  
**EVER.**

 

**Karina Ilyinichna Teller-Kuryakin**

Faceclaim: Alycia Debnam Carey  
b. November 1977  
Attractiveness level: Aloof Beauty  
Former baby of the family, but has always had "middle child" syndrome, somehow?  
Fiercely protective of youngest sister, Tina.  
Self-proclaimed "rebel" of the family.  
Most often sighed at.  
Krav Maga expert.  
Sounds the most like her mother.  
Has the sultriest, smokiest, cabaret-crooning alto you will ever hear.  
Has some skill with the piano, though not as much as Sabrina or her father. Prefers to play jazz.  
Can play the guitar quite well, though she will only perform in front of others on family campouts around a bonfire.  
Openly scoffs at the idea of joining U.N.C.L.E.  
Has never worked at the same job for more than two years together.  
Has had a ridiculous variety of employment, including but not limited to: zookeeper, souvenir shop clerk, circus performer, psychic, mortuary cosmetologist, janitor, and live mannequin.  
Gaby and Illya were convinced this pattern was "just a phase.”  They eventually worked around to the "acceptance" stage.   
~~Actually a blackest of black ops agent. Has performed so many assassinations. SO. MANY. Explains bruises and broken bones as product of roller derby side hobby. Every family member remains completely in the dark. (Napoleon suspects _something_ but is nowhere near close to guessing.  Irina is told when she becomes CEO.) ACTUAL Teller-Kuryakin who speaks the most languages. Also fluent in _mat._ Second to Marina in hand-to-hand combat prowess, but also utterly deadly with guns and knives. The only Teller-Kuryakin to have killed with poison.  Also the only Teller-Kuryakin to have killed with a novelty tea infuser. Seriously, guys, SO MANY ASSASSINATIONS.~~

 

**Tina Ilyinichna Teller-Kuryakin**

Faceclaim: Millie Bobby Brown  
b. December 1981  
Attractiveness level: Friggin' Adorable  
Surprise "I thought this was the onset of menopause!" baby.  
Doted on. By everyone. Too ADHD to be spoiled by it.  
Solo named her as a joke. Gaby and Illya were Too Tired to object.  
Inheritor of her mother's inquisitive nature.  
Also her mother's darling grease monkey child.  
Always in the garage.  
Could rebuild a carburetor by age eleven.  
Surpassed Irina's childhood record of "most objects taken apart."  
"TINA I NEED TO USE THE BLENDER!" "But it spins..." "Tina, you should have asked me; I could have shown you the schematics I made when I took it apart ten years ago."  
Natural stand-up comic.  
Ventriloquist.  
U.N.C.L.E. record holder for having kicked the most men in the balls.  
Triple-jointed.  
Recreational gymnast.  
U.N.C.L.E.'s infiltration secret weapon.  
~~They have actually mailed her to a location before.~~

 

**MISCELLANEOUS HEADCANONS**

The girls all adore their "Uncle Solo."  
They call him "Uncle Napoleon" whenever he has been particularly kind, helpful, or insightful.  
Uncle Solo treats every girl to a ridiculously expensive present AND a day out on the town for their birthdays.   
The twins can choose to take their day separately or together.  
He is a teenage girl whisperer. If they weren't particularly close to him as children, that changes drastically come the onset of puberty.

Gaby encouraged the girls to call Waverly "Opa." Waverly actually cried the first time Marina said it.

Gaby and Illya both keep their own names.  Waverly suggested hyphenated surnames for the girls. Illya insisted on Gaby's name going first.

Knives squad: Marina, Sabrina, Galina  
Guns squad: Alina (handguns), Irina (sniper rifles)  
Explosives squad: Polina, Tina  
~~Garrotes squad: Karina~~

Marina, the twins, and Tina were born in the hospital at U.N.C.L.E HQ.  
Alina was born at an undisclosed hospital in Moscow.  ~~All further details are sealed under the highest level security clearances at U.N.C.L.E., Washington D.C., and the Kremlin.~~  
Sabrina and Karina were born in the middle of a mission.  
Irina was delivered by Illya in a cave in the Alps where he and Gaby were waiting for extraction after a mission went completely FUBAR. ~~It is one of his most cherished memories, and another reason why she is secretly his favorite even though he loves all of his daughters so very, very much and he will also take this to the grave.~~

Straight: Alina  
Straight, but wishes she was lesbian it would make her life so much easier why are men so stupid: Irina  
Likes to giggle about cute guys but really TOO INTERESTED IN SCIENCE!!!: Galina  
Bisexual, hetero-leaning: Marina (75/25% ratio)  
Bisexual, lesbian-leaning: Karina (90/10% ratio)  
Lesbian: Polina  
Total ace, placid: Sabrina  
Total ace, turbulent: Tina


End file.
